You don’t have to always take the bait!

Note: This column was originally posted on Christmas Eve only to disappear into the ether. Leave it to my intrepid commenter Jean Lindsay to somehow find it. Thanks Jean. I didn’t have the energy to rewrite it!

As Christmas approaches, many far-flung family members will find themselves reunited under one roof for perhaps the only time of the year. While this should be a joyful occasion, it is often marred by the reawakening of negative emotional patterns.

This can be even more likely in families where there has been a divorce, which nowadays is practically everybody. At such times, when even I might be tempted to lash out emotionally, I am reminded of the best advice I ever received, “You don’t always have to take the bait!”

This wisdom was imparted to me by one of the lawyers that helped me through my own divorce about 10 years ago. It’s a perhaps a corollary of what is known as the Serenity Prayer:

“God. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The acceptance of the idea, that there are certain things about my antagonist, or the situation we are in, that are beyond my power to change can finally bring a little peace of mind.

I think the same philosophy should be applied at other levels of life. For instance, in politics it is helpful to understand that there will always be liberals and conservatives and that they are not likely to disagree about many things.

Therefore the wise person refuses to take the bait that is constantly being offered by the other side and refrains from pointless political dispute. Otherwise all political dialogue will soon descend to the level of shoe-tossing or worse.

On the international level, we also have a great deal of baiting going on, and recurrent patterns of strife and violence, especially between different ethnic and religious groups. Again, it would be beneficial to all concerned if there could be a little more acceptance of what can’t be changed.

From your living room, to the halls of Congress, to the councils of nations, let peace prevail this Christmas.

57 varieties of trouble!

Yesterday was my 58th birthday and I was never so glad to say goodbye to a year in my life. Oh sure, lots of good things happened to me this past year, but my old body seemed to have 57 varieties of trouble.

It was shortly after my 57th birthday last year that I began to notice pain in my hip. I went to my chiropractor, my orthopedist, two physical therapists, my family doctor and even had x-rays and no one could figure out what was the matter with me except possibly some arthritis. I was told that someday I would probably need to have a hip replacement, but until then I would just have to learn to live with the pain!

Things went from bad to worse when I began construction of my new tennis court in April. It had been 15 years since I had done much heavy labor and my body was in no way ready for it. I began to have incredible pain in my knee, IT band and the quadriceps of my right leg.

It got so bad that I could barely stand up for more than a minute without excruciating pain and my legs hurt so much at night that I couldn’t sleep. Then in July I tore the cartilage in my left knee in my last-ever tennis match on a hard court. (Although I didn’t know that until I finally had an MRI 4 months later.)

Fortunately, as chronicled in some previous columns, I was able to find temporary relief of my pain through trigger point massage and eventually permanent prevention of it through the addition of Vitamin B-12 supplements to my diet. It also turned our that the cartilage tear does not require surgery and, with the help of my bicycle, my left knee is almost back to its pre-injury state. Still, 57 will long be remembered by me as the year my body hit the wall.

As I turn the corner to start my 58th year, however, I am filled with optimism. In addition to playing indoor tennis twice a week, I have returned to the basketball court after a 7 month absence. On one of my first days back, one competitor even commented that I was playing at “mid-season form!”

The biggest problem with physical disabilities is that they can prey on the mind. You begin to wonder if you will ever recover the normal use of your body or whether this is as good as it gets. I know that old age is not for sissies, but at least now, I also know that I have a few more years before I’m ready for the scrap heap.

It’s all up from here!