Daily Archives: July 25, 2007

The Political Hack’s Playbook

It’s summertime and the living is easy, but the writing is hard. This morning (a day late for this weekly column already) I was surfing around the Internet and stumbled onto a web site called Clout City: Chicago’s Political Blog.

I started reading a blog post about how Mayor Daley had received an environmental award (funded by Wal-Mart no less) for his work with the”Greening of Chicago.” This led to a lively discussion about corruption in the Windy City, Wal-Mart’s role in the coming Chinese dominance of the world and the theory that global warming is really being caused by all those people on the Tibetan Plateau!

In the middle of all that, I came across The Political Hack’s Playbook which I reproduce verbatim below. (Except for a few nitpicking copy changes. Old habits die hard!)  See if it doesn’t explain a lot of what’s been going on around here . (Hey, it beats having to write my own column this week!)

“1) If telling the truth HELPS you, tell the truth. (however rarely this is true for an incumbent).

2) If telling the truth HURTS you, tell a lie, particularly a lie that is impossible to prove is a lie.

3) When lying, coat your lies with as much truth as possible, so the lie APPEARS to be true.

4) When confronted with your lies, vigorously assert that you’re NOT lying and accuse those who say you are, OF LYING.

5) Avoid lying about things that can be PROVEN to be lies, though, you can ALWAYS challenge the honesty of those who present the proof of your lies.

6) Do your very best to keep some sort of track of your lies, so you don’t waste energy lying when you are confronted with conflicting lies.

7) Whenever possible, always have OTHERS lie for you, so you can denounce them, if and when they are caught lying.

8) When caught in a lie, change the subject and focus on telling those lies that have, so far, not been proven to be lies.

9) Tell the truth sparingly, because, if the truth were helpful to you, you wouldn’t have to tell so many lies in the first place.”

Have a great week and as Harry Truman said, “If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen!”

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